The Geekess

A couple of responses to my recent comments on pdx_edu made me feel like a jerk. Mostly I read a community post, think to myself, "Yet anther person who can't find a webpage or doesn't know about a resource or didn't read a recent post", and comment with info. I think I just need to stop "helping" people out because half the time they get offended, or they've already found the resource and they didn't articulate their question very well.

The recent comments have just sort of made me wonder if I'm starting to treat people like idiots by default. I'm not sure if it's instinct from too many classmates who just don't pay attention, or if I subconsciously think I'm smarter than most people I meet. I know there will always be someone smarter or dumber than me on any subject you can name.

I really want to treat people with respect, but I have this instinct to assume they don't have clue unless they've proven that they do. That means I end up offending people sometimes, and maybe missing out on conversations with people I write off. The oppose behavior would mean I might end up talking with a lot of idiots, j. random people on pdx_edu might not get the answer they were looking for, and I might find classmates who know more than me. I don't see too much of a downside in trying to change my behavior before some other experience comes along to humble me.

In conclusion, I should really pay more attention to the Desiderata:

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
...
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.


Current mood: embarrassed

Today I had my last class of the term. It was great to be done, but I was a little sad because I'm not sure if I'll see my stats study partner, Kristin, again. I have a lot of fun talking to her, but she lives off-campus with her folks. I'll just have to make the effort to meet up with her next term.

I had an odd moment when we were walking out of class. This one guy from class came up to Kristin and stole her umbrella and pretended to sneak up on her. He'd done this before as a joke, but it struck me in that moment, "Oh, he likes her and he's being a dork towards her because of it." He reminds me of several shy, geeky guys I knew in high school who used to do the same thing. The guy who always messed up your hair or stole your pencil. It made me feel...old. :( I don't know very many guys who still act silly like that, and I'm happily settled down, so I don't get teased that way anymore.

The scene just made me realize how much I've grown since I was in high school. Heck, I've even changed over the past three months. This term has been a good one, socially. I asked Kristin to be my study partner at the beginning of the term (something I never would have done a year ago), and I haven't regretted it since. I've hung out in the CS lounge more this term, and talked to a lot of people I wouldn't have if I'd stayed in my apartment. Granted, I got less work done, but I'm happier and I get to chat with interesting people.

I've also really impressed my operating systems professor; apparently he's been telling a few other professors how good I've been doing in his class. He even offered to write me a letter of recommendation for grad school.

Even if I totally bomb my statistics class (which seems somewhat unlikely at this time), I think I'll get A's in my operating systems and technical writing classes. I keep hoping that I'll get my cumulative up to 3.8 so I can be Magnum Cum Laude instead of just Cum Laude. However, that's my perfectionist side speaking, and I've been trying to squelch it recently. I have to concentrate on how much I've already achieved and not on what I haven't achieved yet or I'll get depressed.

Current mood: contemplative